Lillian Secrest Buie's Weblog

On His Last Leg

In honor of John Buie's 100th birthday in 2010, here's a story from the book, "Teacher of Our Town": (Meanwhile, Kathy Buie Vance has compiled and posted to Facebook about 37 photos from John Buie's life.)

By Ann Buie Loomis

In 1987, my father's leg had to be amputated because of complications from diabetes. Six month later, he was diagnosed with colon cancer. During that year, my mother often felt overwhelmed with the burdens of caretaking, so from time to time, she'd ask for help from family members. My sister Kathy agreed to spend two weeks taking care of Daddy.

Now you have to understand the gravity of this commitment. Kathy happens to be a compassionate person, but she knew, like our mother, she'd also need a good dose of humor because Daddy could be very demanding. The youngest of four children by 10 years, he was somewhat spoiled. Having been brought up by parents who still thought maids were "slaves," Daddy thought he was born to be served -- and he rarely said thank you for the service.

So, in order to get through the time as nursemaid, like Mother, Kathy kept a journal. She knew that despite the irritating parts of his personality, Daddy could be very funny -- and she also knew that recording the funny experiences would keep her sane. One journal entry recalls the time when Daddy had a visit from the preacher.

June 29, 1988: Lil's Thank You Note to Children and Grandchildren After John's Memorial Service

What a blessing you were at this special time! Whatever I needed – affection, practical help in kitchen or parlor, understanding, advice on property or legal matters – you gave. Eve, your song was my life-long sermon (yes, your mima is a fantasy preacher) delivered more beautifully and powerfully than any mere rhetoric – thanks for doing that for Gramps and me. Ted, so many people commented on your ability to related to all ages of people, it’s a gift to treasure. John, your steadiness has long beena rock for me. Kathy, you’ve been a joy every moment of your life to both your dad and me. I love you. Mother/Mima/Lil.

June 29, 1988: John Buie's Memorial Service As Described by Cousin Lucy

Lil’s first cousin, Lucy Loflin Winkle, daughter of Aunt Essie, sent a copy of her description of John Buie’s memorial service, June 29, 1988:

 Dear Cousins,

Thought you might like one cousin’s impression of John’s memorial service. Lil had a friend of hers pick me up. I was most grateful because I do not drive distances more than 20-25 miles.

I first went to the home. Lil was dressed and composed and greeting guests. The children and grands were getting ready for the service. Lil had on a summer print and a prink rose in her hair – thinner than the last time I saw her, but that is surely understandable.

The church was filled with friends and relatives. Lil sat on the front row with Celeste next to her, grandson Matthew McDowd, age 4, next, and son Jim, Matthew’s father, next.

Mac was there as was his wife Ann and daughter Molly. Molly has made a beautiful young woman. Mary Covington sat in front of me with her son Andy.

The service was just as it should be. Kathy’s daughter Eve sang a love song beautifully. With her beautiful coloring and pale pink suit, not to mention her lovely voice, I’m sure John would have been pleased.

The minister read the 23^rd Psalm, one of my mother’s favorites, several brief selections from Proverbs and Old and New Testaments.

Lil stood behind the lectern and gave her eulogy. It was very beautiful and touching. Any husband and/or father would have been more than pleased to have had these things said about him. It truly made me feel that I had missed much by not knowing John better.

Son Jim’s eulogy was John as father, or so it seemed to me. I sincerely hope that sons and daughters say these things to their parents while they are still with them. I’m sure Lil’s children did because they have always seemed to be such a close family. Jim is a handsome young man with a beautiful speaking voice and what I consider a commanding presence.

The minister made a few closing remarks about John and the Buies and the church. The women of the church prepared a great supper for us in the fellowship hall. I sat by John’s sister Mary. Someone told me that she was 88 but I find that hard to believe. She told me of John’s birth, how glad they were to have him, and what a joy he was to them growing up. She, I’m sure, was a great help to Lil during John’s illness.

I meant to mention that everyone sang, “In the Sweet By and By” and “Shall We Gather at the River.” A quartet sang “How Great Thou Art.” The choir wore their robes.

Ann’s husband Bob brought me home. He works with the Forest Service in Washington, D.C. and is a charming young man. I was almost sorry when I got home.

Love, Lucy

In England for Eight Weeks, Away from Each Other

July 6, 1978: Telephone lines crackle across the Atlantic. And link me once more to home, as John's familiar voice speaks love in mundane words. "The damn cats are on a hunger strike. And Heidi (the dog) must be garbaging, because she won't eat. You've got 'em spoiled rotten. 'They've gotta have soft, sweet talk to make their meals complete....You met Jim in London, and he's grown a beard? Picked up fool ideas too, I bet, just as I feared." He won't say he loves me. I've gotta say it first. And when I add, "I love you," all gruff barriers burst!

Teasing the dog

Husband John "Buster" Buie at 68:

I wrote my daughter Ann that her Christmas gift (attack preventer with flashlight and siren) has driven me up the wall as John has used it for a favorite toy since he's been in with a rotten cold all week.

His tongue, a teasing curl in the corner of his mouth, his eyes, gleaming slits of mischief, he tears over the house, sending the screeching siren to hassle poor Heidi the dog into a quiver of misery! -- January 1979.

September 12, 1982: Ocean restores my tired soul

When John picked me up after school on Friday, I experienced almost jetlag weariness...slept almost the entire two hour drive to the beach. I've felt good since. The ocean felt warm Friday but the air was cool, and drizzly. Gray skies and a dull green sea have marked the week end. But dividing a mudbank with John, walking two miles on the beach Saturday at a steady clip, conferring with Bruce Kristofferson about jacking up our foundation, watching football and dozing off in the afternoon have added up to a pleasant, relaxing weekend.

Sunday was all a beach day should be -- golden sunshine, wide uncrowded beaches, and a perfect ocean just cool enough to be invigorating, with "ginant" waves to ride over smoothly or to send you sailing to shore. It was great!

August 28, 1982: SURPRISE extravaganza for our 40th anniversary!

I was prepared for a quiet dinner for six at the Southern Pines Barn. Jim offered to drive us. But when he turned toward Montpelier church instead of following Aberdeen Road, I thought he was ragging his dad. The crowd gathered at the church convinced me that we wre intruding on someone else's celebration, especially since head deacon Percy Ammons stood in a host-like position. Jim sat on the horn, blaring, until I was ready to crawl under the car. And then I caught sight of Charlie Parker's beaming face, saw John Vance snapping pictures like mad, and realized we'd been had.

Ann and Kathy brightened with glee at our shocked faces. I remembered my fourth birthday, when I hid underneath the house rather than be the center of attention for 20 pre-schoolers. But this time with all our precious family gathered around us, both my basically shy mate and I enjoyed the attention showered on us in honor of 40 years of togetherness.

1981: Buster Buie, Tar Heel Born and Bred

John "Buster" Buie, in a super-sized Carolina Tar Heels hat, Christmas, 1981

1978: Lil and John at the Beach

September 9, 1978: Ocean View Motel, Wrightsville Beach. John and I began our life together here at Wrightsville, both naively thinking then believing in the myth of "happily-ever-after" following the "I Dos." We've been thoroughly de-mythed, of course, but it's good that once a year or so we can recapture the romance of youth.

Today's ocean was rough and gray, reminiscent of Elinor Wylie's lines in "Sea Lullaby": "The sea creeps to pillage -- she leaps on her prey -- a child of the village was murdered today."

"East is east and West is west and never the twain shall meet, until two great men stand face to face at God's great judgment seat." -- Rudyard Kipling

1968: Thanksgiving at the Englishes in Laurinburg

John and Lil